I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
