No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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