Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
