dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
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I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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