hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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