I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
