just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
