last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
