I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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