I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
