I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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