HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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