guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
