yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
