Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
