Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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