How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
