So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
