i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
