Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
