You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
