you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
