Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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