A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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