is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
