Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
