Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
