Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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