the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
