ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
