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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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