Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
How external is "for external use only"?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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