woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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