i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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