Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
