she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
