Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
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She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
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Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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