the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
