Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
