found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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