ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize