I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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