these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
