i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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