I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
