mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Randomize
