She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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