as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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