i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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