he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
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I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
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Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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