They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.