ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.