Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
Terrible brother advice.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.