ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
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I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
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We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back