i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?