Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.