I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?