you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
