She said her name was "party"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
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whose ass print is on the piano?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
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We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.