I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?