May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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