You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
