I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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