dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
