Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
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Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
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Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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