i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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