I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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